So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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