Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
