I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
