he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it's like iHOP with fire
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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