Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
