And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
