How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
