This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
