He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
