Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
