respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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