I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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