I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
