There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize