I am puke
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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