it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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