Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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