You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
