So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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