you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
