I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize