i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
