Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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