Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How external is "for external use only"?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
