Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
