well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
