can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
