mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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