U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
