You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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