she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize