Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
