Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
