I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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