My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
