roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
