My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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