3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
