I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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