I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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