Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize