is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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