if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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