I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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