I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
