So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
