If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
