Plan B is the new Plan A
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
