i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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