I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
