I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
