I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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