Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
