I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
