I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
