So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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