you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize