currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
