it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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