I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
