i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
