We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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