I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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