That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
